Dear Little Ty,

Yep, that’s your name now, bear with me, you’ll soon understand, though I have a sneaking suspicion you might already have an idea...

You know how you wish you were a boy...? Turns out, you kinda are. I say kinda because you do go through around 35yrs of your life believing the lie you were told (that you’re a girl) until you understand your gender in a more expansive and authentic way. The place you’ll land with it around 36yrs old is that you are non-binary, trans masculine.

Being socialised as a girl/woman for so long leaves you feeling uncomfortable about boxing yourself into another binary (man) once you figure out this gender stuff. But I do believe that your instincts are correct and if given the language, support, curiosity and care during these years of saying you wish you were a boy, that the label and construct of the term’s boy and/or man would likely feel right and comfy for you. But that’s OK. Because where we end up isn’t so bad.

Women and femmes are AMAZING. For every painful part of this journey, there will be something worth taking with you. It’s a privilege to be able to see the world through a woman’s eyes and heart. To understand societal structures and feminist concepts through a female lens will make you a softer, more compassionate adult that understands how the world works and has the lived experience of it too. The allures of patriarchy are strong and there is a big part of me that is grateful we didn’t get to experience its privilege. You’ll understand what I mean as you grow into a young adult.

Life is going to be hard, stressful, full of pain, anxiety and heartbreak. But it’s also going to be fun, beautiful, exciting, full of love, lessons, growth and experiences. You’re braver than you know. You’re more capable than you realise right now. But there are a few things I want you to do...

1. Get into therapy before your 20’s and stay in it FOREVER. You have way more stuff to figure out than you realise. You need to heal parts of yourself, find parts of yourself and shed parts of yourself so you don’t hurt yourself or those around you. 2. Play music, play more music, play even more music. Keep playing and don’t stop playing. This will save your life more than once. 3. Do not be ashamed of your big, passionate, loud, loyal, strong personality. You are perfect. Despite what you have been told by the adults around you, you are not too much, too loud, too fast, too hyperactive. You are not ungrateful, lazy or useless. They are spilling their pain and unhealed trauma out onto you – their words are not truth. (BUT these adults will all mostly support you and respect your queer journey, even if it takes them some learning.)

You are magic. And you have no idea how proud I am that we have made it this far (41 and counting). Be kind, don’t take life too seriously, and have as much fun as you can along the way. The rest will come.

I love you.

Love Big Ty xxxx