Dear younger Colin,

Do you remember a book that you read when you were in your early twenties that seemed to have some meaning for you back then. It was called, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, written by John Powell, and this is what grabbed you when he commented, “Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? I am afraid to tell you who I am, because if I tell you who I am you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”

That quote very simply, but accurately, described how you felt in your teenage years through to your late thirties. You somehow knew that you were different to most of the other guys that you knew but didn’t really have the words that could describe your sense of self. During your teens and twenties in the 1960s and 70s, you knew that you found other guys attractive, but because of the family and church environment that you grew up and lived in there really wasn’t anything positive about finding men ‘sexy’!! Both church and family gave out a very strong message that ‘homosexuality is disgusting and sinful!’ and that ‘homosexuals are perverts who are going to hell!’

As you know these teachings caused significant angst in your life as you had a strong Christian faith but had never felt rejected by the God you believed in because of who you were, even though you weren’t really sure that you actually knew who Colin was! So, for many years you lived with the tension of being a member of a family and a church that wouldn’t accept you if you were gay but knew somehow within yourself that you were loved by the God who others believed ‘hated the sin of homosexuality’. I guess that’s a good way of describing your life in the closet!

When you were in your late thirties, married with two young children, you fell in love with another guy to the extent that you knew that hard and painful decisions needed to be made. Remember how your wife knew that there was something that you were struggling with and very bravely asked you if you were gay. To cut a long story short, it was a painful time for everyone as we tried to navigate what this meant. So, when you were 38 you bravely leapt into the unknown with Bob and you have been together now for nearly 34 years. You are now 71, and he is 78! You are both people of faith, actively involved in your local Anglican church, and on the 23rd of February 2026 will celebrate being married for seven years.

As I think back over my life what I would like to encourage young queer people to hold onto is that regardless of labels that others, or even we ourselves, put on who we are, to remind yourself that you are a wonderful, special and unique person. It can be a scary place because it can mean we also make ourselves vulnerable to other people’s responses and reaction. I encourage you to hold onto your own truth and celebrate who you are. What is also important is to find those people who will be with you as you journey though life, supporting you through the challenges and celebrations, and embracing you in friendship and love as you discover more of the You who is the beautiful You.

With love, Your 71-year-old self